Baby can and will cry as much as 3 hours or more per day.
When we saw the faces of other parents, we knew our son wasn’t normal. When I got musical ear syndrome, a form of tinnitus, from him, I knew I had to do something. I researched and downloaded the most accurate measuring app on the internet. This is what the pros used and it came back positive. My child was the loudest recorded human on earth, peaking at over 135 decibels – or somewhere between a jet engine and a gunshot. It’s been years and my chest still swells with pride to this day.
That’s not a joke or embellishment. Be glad your baby isn’t my baby. Having said that, our second baby could cry full power and it sounded like ocean waves by comparison to my little dinosaur. All parents have been through it. We all come up with similar ways of dealing with it. Here’s our list of top-10 things to try to get a little peace during a time of great baby screaming tumult.
Oh, and as a bonus step, if any baby expert or sleep consultant is telling you not to pick up your child when they’re crying, you can throw them out with the bathwater. Always cuddle the baby when he or she is crying. Always.
When you become a parent you might begin to understand and appreciate the struggles of your own parents better. You’ll also begin meeting a lot more young parents. The one thing everyone has in common is that they’ve knowingly or unknowingly stumbled onto the only effective way of helping their baby stop crying.
You’ll also notice that – in those first three months – most parents enter a state of desperation and panic when their little one starts trumpeting like a t-rex. That’s the normal response.
Oh, and by the way, there are people with babies who cry unbelievably quietly. We secretly all hate you.
It’s a difficult thing to hate your own baby. But during moments of extreme exhaustion and frustration, that sensation might creep up for half a second. It’s followed by torrents of guilt and self-assurance that you adore this little tyrant, no matter what they do.
Parents have to learn to deal with their own emotions before dealing with the baby’s. Adding fuel to the fire never makes a crying baby calm down. So accept that this is frustrating, talk about it with therapists, trusted friends and family, and understand that you’re not alone. This is a fight a very large number of people have been through as well. Forgive yourself for getting frustrated. Accept that it’s hard. Take care of yourself while taking care of the baby.
Look at it this way. If you’re doing everything for the baby and letting your own mental health fall by the wayside, you’re sacrificing yourself. You’re planning to set the example that adults don’t have healthy, balanced relationships and that it’s okay to make yourself unhappy for others to be happy. That is the road to resentment (I’m not projecting...) and it’s just one example of the many ways parents can forget to take care of themselves. But the baby crying really is that first rite of passage that’ll teach you the hard way that you must learn to take better care of yourself no matter what is going on.
Few people let someone new into their lives if that other person spends four hours a day screaming at them at the tops of their lungs. It only happens if you made or adopted that little person. As such, it’s one of the most valuable early lessons for parents to learn.
Take care of yourself first. Make sure you’re always squared away. Get the help you need now, not later. It’s okay to ask for a helping hand. It will keep you emotionally stable and set a fantastic example for your child later in life.
When the baby starts crying, the panic reflex sets in. You must have led an exceptionally conditioned existence if baby crying really doesn’t get to you. For women, it’s harder as it triggers the release of hormones associated with breast milk production, along with the intense cuddle hormone oxytocin. No matter how tired a mother gets, almost all of them will tell you they physically can’t ignore the baby’s crying. For men, it can trigger higher levels of cortisol and testosterone, which is usually a bad combination when trying to stay calm. Which is why this step works for both parents.
Breathe...
When the baby starts crying, let it be your mental trigger to breathe deep and slow. Breathe through your nose. If you like, adopt one of the many calming breathing techniques made popular by neuroscience recently.
This one is simple. If the baby is not having any of your nonsense, and that will happen a lot, try a quick change of scenery. Move to another room, turn the lights on or off, or make a small change to the baby’s environment. They can get stuck in a good cry and sometimes it’s nothing but them making their lungs stronger, or drunkenly singing their favorite song out of tune after guzzling too much breast milk, or just them doing their damned jobs.
If you don’t check it off the list, you’ll be stuck and it’s an easy one to try. Sometimes, mercifully, it works and your baby settles right down. Try it during the day or at night. What’s important is just to get the baby into your arms if they aren’t already, and move rooms. That’s the whole step.
Now, if the baby’s been changed, checked for rashes, fed and had a nap but is still blasting their autotuner at full tilt, they might be overstimulated.
Here’s when you can try closing those blackout curtains you bought and making the room as dark as possible. You can either start swinging the baby or put them in the baby swing (once they can hold their head up themselves) and give them a gentle rocking. If they’re still into it, swaddle them. That can be a big soothing trigger. You’re basically simulating being back in the womb and many a desperate parent have done it.
Make sure you’re swinging them gently and consistently. You can rock left and right, to and fro, whatever works. Just find your rhythm and let the dark mama tummy simulation do its thing.
Again, like all of these steps, night or day, you can try turning on some music. If you get lucky and you find a track that your baby responds to, you’re off to the races because it could become their favorite sleep track that works every time. The child with a thousand lungs I mentioned at the start of this blog post used to have one song that calmed him no matter how bad of a state he was in. It’s an obscure piece that no one’s ever heard of. But if you’re looking for something more global, according to science, the deeper and bassier the voice the better. Still, what worked for one didn’t for the other. Our daughter couldn’t stand music when she was crying.
Most parents have one that worked and that’s white noise. Our son didn’t care for it but our daughter would immediately stop crying at the sound of a hair dryer. Middle of the night, crying starts, diapers changed, breasts refused, “no” to the bottle, hair dryer on, and straight back to sleep. For you, it could be the vacuum cleaner, an app, a track, who knows… Get testing.
One day, the team was out on the pitch practicing. One of the not-so-good players got low tackled one of the studs and he collapsed in a screaming heap. The coach got up off the bench and ran over shouting, Walk it off! over and over. When he got to the boy, he discovered a mangled leg with bones sticking out. There was no walking it off that day. So you have no excuse. Take the baby out for a walk, or seven. It’ll be good for both of you. In a baby carrier, in the stroller, in your arms… it doesn’t matter.
Going for a walk is a really great way to maintain your sanity and health. Getting the kid out of the house can work magic on both overall mood and a long crying spell. If you’re feeling lazy and have the means, a car or bike ride can work just as well-provided, of course, you have the right kind of baby seat installed and your baby can hold their head up.
Some call it the bounce, some the shoosh bounce, others the drop… Here’s what you do:
You’ll find it in every baby crying guide. It’s basically the bread and butter of mom and dad moves. I once saw a man standing in a suit at a traffic light start doing it when someone else’s baby started crying. It was a funny, charming, very human moment. Then, it happened to me… more than once. It’s programmed in. Once we master the movement, crying babies snap you into it like a bugle horn wakes up a sleeping soldier.
If you try everything on this list with no effect, ask Sofia for uncommon ways to calm a crying baby. Something eventually works.
Good luck out there.
(Caption: Image by Freepik)
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